Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Dairy entry 9 : 21-May-2011


Dear Ira and Rudra ,
I was so hopeful about getting pregnant this month. Somehow was getting so many wishes and good Omen.
But the pregnancy test came out Negative. I am upset and sad about it.

Then today I and your daddy had a fight. I felt may be still are not ready to give you a good environment . 

Today I let go of both of you . I am not sure if our house is right home for you to come . I am very sad today as I am letting go of the biggest hope of our life . I can't stop crying but now I am too tired of hoping that "all will be fine one day ".

I want to let go of all attachments and longing for a happy family. 

I let go of you my loved ones . My love and wishes will always be there . May you find a loving , happy and peaceful family.

I love you.

- Noopur 
(May you find a good sensible and loving Mommy)

Hey BIG Guy , hope you remember this day ... This is where our hopes were severely hit .. And not only hopes a belief , a faith was hurt and doubts creeped in .. In ourself , in YOU and our relationship !! ... Not having kids is not the only pain we carry , it's that pain of loosing hope which impacts everything in our life , in all way !!! 

We usually hear " Childern are the Hope of future" and yes they are , not only to for generational continue for nation to prosper but also for a realtionship for man and woman... 

You created this beautiful earth, and created beauty all around .. The plants , the mountains , the desert , the river , sea ... 
But you didn't feel it was complete till you created Adam and Eve.. You wanted an intelligent being as your child and you wanted to see your generation grow ... And that's why we are here .. Trillions of your children ... And that keeps you busy .. And happy and smiling ... Had your children not been there , how lonely you would have been !!! And you would have not been able to cope with yourself alone , you would have doubted yourself and purpose of creating all beauty on earth , if there was no one to enjoy it !!...
Don't want to shout anymore , but did want to remind you what made you create us !!! 

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